Why Burnout Recovery Feels So Elusive When You’re Going It Alone
There’s a familiar conversation I have with women who’ve been burnt out for a while and feel stuck in place.
We talk about what’s going on, how they’re feeling, and how they want to feel.
And eventually the convo turns towards what they’ve already tried doing to address burnout.
Predictably, most women will then go through a laundry list of things they’ve tried:
productivity hacks like color-coded calendars and even Notion dashboards
yoga classes and meditation
supplements, detox diets, anti-anxiety prescriptions
self-help books
career coaching and therapy
*And that’s literally the tip of the ice berg.
For most high-achieving women, the problem isn’t lack of trying. If you’ve always been a hard worker and hustled your way to the top in your career, no doubt you’re using that same approach now to “fix” yourself.
“I’ve solved problems bigger than THIS before. I just need to find the right solution.”
You may even feel like asking for help means you’ve “failed.”
I felt the same way, my friend ❤️. But here’s what I’ve learned:
That very mindset- the belief that you should be able to fix this alone- is one of the biggest things keeping you stuck in burnout.
In this post, I’m going to elucidate why that is, why it makes complete sense you’d feel this way, and what becomes possible when you let go of that self-imposed pressure to do it all on your own.
By the end, you’ll be able to make a grounded, informed decision about whether getting some kind of support is the next right step for you- whether that means enrolling in my private burnout recovery coaching program, THRIVE, or something else.
Let’s dive in.
It’s hard for you to ask for help with burnout- here’s why that’s perfectly normal
Yes, wanting to be a strong and independent woman is normal.
If you’re great at solving problems, burnout might just feel like another problem to solve. And if you’ve got an independent streak - if you’re anything like me, you do - then you’re not so keen on asking for help.
Yeah, you might ask for help with certain things at work. But with your life? Your health? Your mental and emotional wellbeing? Ehhh…. you’ll figure it out eventually, right?
Asking for help is hard when you pride yourself on being able to solve tough problems on your own. It may even feel like admitting defeat.
Plus, it’s hard to accept help when you’re working in an environment where burnout is not taken seriously (or spoken about openly) by leadership or coworkers.
Your colleagues may be feeling just as burnt out as you, but don’t talk about it or “show” it on the outside- leading you to erroneously believe it’s not a serious problem for them.
Their actions, if not their words, may convince you that what you’re feeling is normal or ‘not that bad’, so you should be able to fix it on your own (or else, stop complaining).
Your company culture or leadership might have somehow convinced you that you should be able to handle things without support- or that needing support makes you weak or unfit.
Conversely, if your company does invest in workplace wellness initiatives, you may even believe that there’s something wrong with you if you need help beyond the occasional lunchtime mindfulness workshop.
Here’s what I want you to know: burnout is EPIDEMIC in the United States.
Many of your colleagues feel the same as you. Some might even be seeking help for burnout- but for the same reasons that you have, they don’t talk about it openly.
And here’s the other thing: workplaces are falling short, even when they really are trying to make things better for employees.
“Workplace Wellness” initiatives almost never deliver what people deeply need to prevent and recover from burnout. They’re not helping you regulate your nervous system, rewire patterns that are leading you to obsess about work, or set boundaries to protect your time and energy, for example.
(Trust me, the workplace wellness opportunities at Brown University - where I got my PhD- were EXTENSIVE. But it’s also a place where burnout is common, just as it is everywhere else.)
Which is all to say, it’s normal if you need help. And it’s OK if you feel apprehensive about asking for it and instead are trying to “do all the things” fix yourself.
But listen…
when you try to recover from severe burnout without any guidance, structure, or support system, here’s what usually happens:
A) You try every solution in the book (like the ones I listed above in the introduction to this blog post) and start to feel like self-care is another job that you’re failing at. (Side note: most of my clients do this before working with me. You’re not alone!)
b) You inadvertently focus on solving the wrong problem. For example, many women perceive sinking productivity or a lack of work-life balance as technical problems requiring more effective time management or organization, rather than symptoms of a broader and deeper problem: burnout, extreme energy depletion, and nervous system dysregulation.
c) You cobble together piecemeal solutions- a yoga class here, a retreat there. Kind of like you’re throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks, instead of addressing burnout with a holistic approach that accounts for the mind-body-spirit problem it really is.
Bottom line: most people cannot overcome burnout on their own. Healing requires support and human connection.
Asking for help with burnout recovery isn’t a sign you failed- it’s an incredible act of strength and self-leadership
The women I coach tend to be in leadership roles they worked damn hard to achieve.
But a woman who’s exhausted, triggered by the smallest stressors, and overwhelmed with life? She can’t effectively lead others because she’s not currently leading herself.
💣 Once you get to this level of burnout, you’ve created your own glass ceiling.
The best leaders act from curiosity, clarity, and courage- not fear. They know when to delegate, when to seek guidance, and how to create the right kinds of support around themselves.
—> Being able to admit when you can’t do things alone is a core skill and a strength, not a weakness!
Developing the self-awareness to honestly assess when you need support for your own wellbeing, and stepping outside your comfort zone to seek that support, is how you put yourself on the path to becoming a stronger leader for yourself and others- and ending burnout in the process.
In THRIVE, you’ll gain the tools and skills you need to become a stronger and more effective leader- simply by learning to lead yourself First.
If the first step is simply saying “I’m ready to get support,” then in THRIVE you’ll build on that through:
Prioritizing foundational self-care so you can show up fully fueled each day. You cannot lead others when you’re tired and foggy.
Learning to regulate your nervous system so you can respond to problems thoughtfully instead of reacting from impulse, make clear decisions even when under pressure, and communicate more effectively with your team and colleagues. You cannot lead others when you’re constantly in crisis mode, putting out fires.
Becoming intentional with your time, your energy, and your attention - and setting boundaries to protect them. Others will treat you according to how you treat yourself. When you set boundaries around your most precious resources, and you uphold those boundaries, others will take notice. Through your actions, you are modeling what leadership looks like.
Surprise! That habit of Doing everything on your own is Part of Fuels your burnout
I say this with love: trying to “fix things on your own” is, in itself, part of what led you to burn out in the first place.
You need a new way, beauty.
Think for a minute: how long have you been carrying the weight of everything by yourself? Try making out a list of all the things you do on your own, or that you’ve ever done or ‘tried to fix’ on your own.
If you’re like any of the women I’ve worked with, that list is long. And exhausting. And it’s made YOU exhausted.
For months or years, you’ve been…
pushing past your capacity even when your body is begging for rest
saying yes to just one more project because “no one else will do it right”
taking on more than you can handle, and then beating yourself up when you can’t do it all perfectly
No wonder you’re tired!
Right now, you don’t need to push harder, hustle more, or do more research.
—> You need support and a whole new approach.
Permanent burnout recovery requires a) letting go of the fear leading you to over-function, overwork, and overthink and b) developing habits that allow you to refuel, recover, and ask for help when you need it.
In THRIVE, you’ll learn to break the Hustle Habit and replace it with heightened self-awareness of your capacity, patterns, and mindset.
Everything begins with AWARENESS. Through structured reflection exercises, you’ll start to recognize when pushing harder and trying to ‘fix things’ on your own at work and in your personal life is actually costing you energy and holding you back.
Next comes ACTION. You’ll re-train yourself to pause when you notice you’re taking on (or tempted to take on) too much, assess your current capacity, and CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY. That could look like:
delegating tasks to conserve your energy
saying “no” to an ask or opportunity
pausing to refuel - physically, mentally, or emotionally
I love coaching my clients through this work and sharing somatic and mindset exercises that help them tune into what their body and mind truly need, take courageous action, and let go of the guilt and fear that sometimes pop up when you start choosing your wellbeing over “doing more” or doing it all on your own.
This approach is admittedly more challenging than simply attending yoga a couple times a week, but it has infinitely greater impact and truthfully, is what’s required to end burnout for good.
When you go it alone, you take the long road to burnout freedom
Recovery from burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that usually takes months and can include a bit of trial and error even when you’re working with a coach or other form of support.
You are smart and capable and I’m sure you could figure things out on your own eventually. But when you take that approach, with no plan or support, the recovery process can turn into YEARS.
Think for a moment: How long have you already felt exhausted and overwhelmed? How many solutions have you already tried?
My guess is that you’ve already spent months or even years trying to get more sleep, set boundaries, prioritize self-care, eat better, take more vacations, figure out if you need a career change…
Yet, here you are.
One commonality I’ve observed in myself, in my clients, and in the countless women I’ve spoken with about their burnout experience is this:
❌ They’ve been cycling in and out of burnout for YEARS.
For example, if you’re on the university academic calendar, you might feel burnt out from November through May, just kind of putting one foot in front of the other to make it through, till you get a reprieve in the summer months.
Or in my case? I fell into burnout repeatedly during grad school. The exhaustion and anxiety would lift when I was away from campus doing my field research in Guatemala, only to return again once I was back at Brown. Eventually, I broke.
But- it wasn’t until I got support and started shifting the way I approached my life and career- both in mindset and action- that things really changed for the better (and for good).
That’s because burnout is complex. Recovery isn’t just about checking off items on a self-care list or “resting”.
It’s about regulating your body’s stress response (your nervous system), rewiring your patterns and mindsets, and redefining what “success” looks like on your own terms. It’s about reconnecting with yourself at a deep level. And this is all a lot to do alone when your brain and body are already fried.
When you invest in support, you collapse years of cycling in and out of burnout into months of transformation.
You get structure, accountability, and guidance that keeps you moving forward even on those days when you’re ready to throw in the towel and burn your career and life to the ground. (I know you don’t want to do that!)
That’s why I created THRIVE: to minimize the time and guesswork by giving you a burnout recovery framework that works, along with just the right amount of support you need to put it into action.
You don’t need to waste more time Googling “How do I fix myself from burnout?” or listening to self-help podcasts.
When you join THRIVE, we start with a deep assessment of your life, your health, and your goals- getting crystal clear on what “success” and your vision of life beyond burnout look like. Then, together, we’ll create a personalized action plan based on my holistic burnout recovery approach that includes these elements:
Refuel your energy with foundational self-care- simple nutrition, quality sleep, easy movement.
Restore your peace of mind with somatic and nervous system work, healthy boundaries, and energy management.
Reignite your spirit with whatever brings you joy, and take scary action to realign your life and career with your core values.
Your plan isn’t set in stone. For six months, we’ll meet bi-weekly to celebrate wins, overcome obstacles, and map out your immediate next steps in a way that’s setting you up for success. You’ll pivot when you need to. And in between coaching sessions, you’ll have access to me via email and text so that you never get stuck or feel alone .
I incorporate somatic work into each coaching session, giving you tools you can use on your own to regulate your nervous system so you feel more calm under pressure.
Plus, every few weeks, I’ll lead you through a Somatic Breathwork session (learn more about that HERE). Those sessions are where my clients often have their most powerful breakthroughs!
What life looks like on the other side of burnout
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine life after burnout. In this moment, you may know what you’re running away from, but what are you running towards? What’s going to open up for you? Here are some of the possibilities…
💫 Imagine sleeping soundly through the night and then waking up with energy and excitement for life again. Instead of rolling over and hitting snooze till you’ve got 20 minutes to rush to work, you’re getting up and looking forward to your day.
💫 Imagine being able to focus at work and get done what needs to be done- you’re no longer worrying about falling behind or feeling like you can’t hack it. Instead, you’re making a real impact!
💫 Imagine getting back your creative spark. When you’re no longer living in “survival mode”, your drive and creativity will return and you’ll become unstoppable, ascending to the next level in your career (if that’s what your true desire is).
💫 Imagine ending your workday and actually having the energy to be present with your kids and partner, not obsessing about work or worrying about all you “should” be doing. Imagine having clear boundaries around work, so you have time to enjoy your life!
💫 And imagine even five years down the road when, instead of falling back into burnout yet again, you’re healthy and thriving in your career, your relationships, and your life. You’re living unapologetically, no longer hiding any part of who you are. You feel like you’re living your “purpose”, as corny as it sounds.
*This is just some of what’s waiting for you when you stop trying to do it all alone.
You finally get to feel like YOU again, but with a new kind of strength and inner peace that you may have never experienced before.
If you’re ready to explore what getting support for burnout recovery could look like, here’s your next step
I know that reaching out for support can feel scary. I can remember exactly where I was standing in my kitchen, stomach in knots, when I made that first phone call years ago to finally get some help.
So I want to make this as easy for you as possible.
I help professional women 1-1 through my 6-month burnout recovery coaching program, THRIVE. You can learn more about THRIVE by clicking the button below:
And when you’re ready to have that first conversation about what it would look like to really get the support you need, then I invite you to book a Burnout Breakthrough Assessment with me by clicking HERE.
This is a free ~45 minute call where we’ll meet over Zoom and talk all about you. Yes, YOU! Our goals will be to:
Uncover exactly what’s fueling your burnout (the true reasons, not the surface-level stuff).
Get clear on what you truly want for your health, your career, and your life (not just what don’t want).
Map out the exact steps that’ll help you escape the burnout cycle and get you back your energy, your time, your peace of mind, and your ‘mojo’- without you having to quit your job or spend all day on self-care.
And if it feels like a good fit, we can talk about what working together inside THRIVE would look like.
Either way, you walk away with greater awareness and clarity. And that’s the first real step out of burnout.
