Why you feel even more burnt out after taking time off - and what to do about it
I once took a vacation to escape burnout and find my mojo. I wasn’t thinking about it in those terms necessarily, but the objective was clear: rest, rejuvenate, reset.
I was a sociology professor, it was winter break, and I went off to Hawaii for two weeks. I anticipated a wild transformation!
Am I glad I went? YES. But did it make much difference to my health? My life? Ehhh… not really, aside from the memories.
When I got home, all the stresses I’d left behind were at least twice as bad. The only thing that had happened was I’d put them on pause.
I hadn’t done anything to change my reality.
You see, there’s this popular myth floating around: if you’re burnt out, take a vacation! Or go on a wellness retreat. Or… if it’s really bad… take a leave of absence and get your health in order.
But it almost never works the way we hope it will. Often, it reveals just how depleted you really are.
In this blog post I’m going to break down why time off - even if you’re resting your brains out- doesn’t heal burnout. I’ll show you where the faulty logic lies and point you in the direction of things you can do to beat burnout that *ACTUALLY WORK*.
Ready? Let’s get into it!
Vacations make so much sense! Don’t they?
Vacation packages that promise to refresh you. Wellness retreats that promise to help you “conquer stress and beat burnout for good, in less than a week”. (Yes, you read that right- it’s from the Canyon Ranch website).
We’re constantly told by the media, friends and family, even your HR department, that if you’re burnt out, all you need is time away. Some good ole’ R&R. When burnout gets really bad, many women will even take a leave of absence so they can focus 100% on their health.
Bottom line: it’s easy to believe that time off is what you need.
I mean, it’s seems so obvious. You already know you need more “self-care” to cure burnout… and aren’t vacations and retreats the ultimate self-care? And even more, if the problem is that you’re exhausted on every level, wouldn’t a time out be what you really need to get regain your energy? It all makes logical sense
The other thing that’s logical when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed?
—> Doing what’s easy.
And- let’s face it- time off is one of the easiest options available. It’s socially acceptable- no need to explain how burnt out you are to justify a vacation. And it requires little effort. You just pack your bags and leave. No problems to figure out, no digging deep into your habits or mindsets, no hard conversations at work or at home.
For high-achievers who’ve already got their hands full, a vacation to banish burnout is a no-brainer.
But… Taking a vacation is like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound
Hard truth: expecting time away, whether a couple weeks or a couple months, to solve your problems is just keeping you stuck in place.
Here’s what usually happens:
You go on a trip - like I did - hoping and expecting things will be different when you get back. For a short time, you feel great! But then the vacation’s over, and everything around you is the same. Same people, same job, same work environment. Same stress and burnout.
This happened to me even when I took months away from ‘reality’! While a grad student, I was living in a cloud of stress and anxiety. But then when I went abroad to Guatemala to do my dissertation field research, the stress lifted. I felt like a different person.
I thought that feeling would persist when I returned to campus- but instead, the overwhelm and exhaustion I’d always struggled with came back, this time twice as bad and with debilitating migraines.
And it was frustrating. I wanted to keep going like I always had in my career… but I needed to do it without the exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout. Can you relate?
Time off doesn’t change you- YOU change you
Regardless of how exciting the vacation or how long your time away, when you come back to work and your home life, if YOU haven’t changed, nothing else will either.
Yes, vacations are important for preventing burnout- especially if you take them regularly to help you recharge.
But the real work of healing burnout doesn’t happen on vacation. Or even during a medical leave.
—> It happens every day in your regular life.
That’s because the core problem isn’t that you’re exhausted and need to rest.
(yes, that’s important, but it’s surface level)
💡 The real problem is in the way you’ve been approaching your work, your relationships, and your own self-care, and how you’ve been dealing (or not) with stress.
Burnout results from pushing too hard, for too long. This can look like:
Putting good nutrition, sleep, and exercise on the back burner.
Habits that keep you working 12-hour days with few breaks.
Saying “yes” to everyone and everything, regardless of your actual capacity.
Perfectionism and over-functioning.
Self-induced pressure to be constantly productive and achieving.
Disconnection from things that give you joy and purpose.
Lacking an identity outside of your career.
An inability to turn your brain off from work, even when you’re with friends and family.
—> THOSE are the things that burn you out. Not a lack of vacations.
An approach to burnout that works (for real)
Burnout doesn’t go away on its own, or with time off.
Getting back to happy and healthy “you” requires a structured approach that addresses the roots of burnout- a chronic overload of unmanaged stress.
You don’t need to turn your life upside down. Or quit your job. But you do need to take action and shift how you approach your work, your relationships, your self-care, and more.
*That’s why I’m a big proponent of doing this work especially when your life is busy and you’re exhausted. Because whatever changes you make must work within the context of your normal, busy, everyday life.
Here’s what to focus on:
De-Stress Your Body With Simple, Foundational Self Care
Stress wreaks havoc on your body, so start there. Good nutrition. Quality sleep. Daily movement. It’s not fancy, but it works- and quickly. For example, my client “A” rated her energy and mental clarity at a 3 out of 10 when we began working together. Within a month, both were at an 8. For some women, energy returns even faster. And once you’re not feeling quite so exhausted, you’ll be able to embark on some of the more challenging aspects of addressing burnout.
Get to know your nervous system
If you’re experiencing unrelenting overwhelm and anxiety, chances are good that your nervous system is dysregulated. Most women who reach burnout have been living a majority of their daylight hours in fight-flight-freeze, also known as your nervous system’s sympathetic state. It makes sense for your nervous system to respond if you’re actually facing danger, but not when you’re just trying open up your laptop in the morning and start work.
The solution is to learn to regulate your nervous system: shift out of that constant fight-or-flight state, respond to non-dangerous stressors from a place of calm, and rewire the self-destructive stories in your mind keeping you stuck.
A couple ways I love to support clients with this nervous system work is through somatic exercises and breathwork practices that I’ll facilitate or teach them to practice on their own.
Re-Assess Your Boundaries
Are you saying “yes” to things you’d prefer to say ‘no’ to? That can be a serious drain on your energy and peace of mind. And it also risks putting you “over capacity” - you only have so much time and energy to give in a day, and you need to use it wisely to get important stuff done while also taking care of yourself. It’s one of the keys to happy work-life balance.
Some boundaries you might consider:
Maintaining specific hours for when you’ll respond to work emails/notifications.
Delegating tasks that could reasonably be done by someone else.
Saying “no” when you’re at capacity or invited to take on a project that is outside your scope and won’t advance your career.
Blocking time for YOU into your calendar, as you would any other meeting.
Allowing yourself a non-working lunch.
For more ideas, check out this blog post on boundary setting.
Reconnect with Joy
I’m sure there’s no need to tell you that burnout isn’t just about physical exhaustion and brain fog. You also feel depleted emotionally- where you feel too tired to play with your kids or connect with your partner, even when you have the time for it. Your motivation and drive may have vanished, too.
A big way you get those things back is amplifying what truly fuels you at the emotional and soul level. Spend some time (re)discovering what brings you true joy and consciously insert it into your daily life. And- just as important - dig deep to clarify your core values and re-align your life and career with them.
These are all things I support clients with in THRIVE, my private burnout recovery coaching program for high-achieving women. It’s more work than a vacation, but it helps you create a life where you don’t need a vacation to escape.
But how the heck do I do all that? I’m already spread thin…
I know this can sound like a lot. So let’s break it down even further.
First, focus on just 3 things for the moment:
Forgive yourself for not knowing the steps you need to take to clear away stress and overwhelm and recover your spark. You’re not supposed to know it. But you do need to take responsibility to learn it.
Give yourself permission to change how you’re approaching your job, relationships, and life. It’s ok to experiment.
Allow yourself space to reflect and decide what you do and don’t want in your life. Know that deep inside you have the strength to have those tough conversations.
And the hardest thing for a high-achiever to wrap her mind around…
you’re not meant to do this alone.
That can be challenging for an independent, successful woman to admit. I put off accepting help for years- even when my stress evolved into random panic attacks- believing it would mean I’d failed.
Let’s be honest- when you’re a known leader, a fixer, and good at figuring things out, it’s easy to believe you should be able to climb out of burnout on your own! But the truth is that most people can’t. And so they remain stuck in place.
That’s why I created THRIVE- to provide successful women a safe place to be supported and take the right steps to recover from burnout, at their own pace.
Start your burnout recovery journey today with THRIVE
Vacations play an important role in burnout prevention. You need rest. You deserve to live a full life!
—> But a vacation won’t fix burnout. You need a more sustainable approach.
If you’re at the point of exhaustion and overwhelm, then it’s time to pause. Slow down. Evaluate where you’re at and where you want to be. Make a plan. And start taking action.
That’s what we’ll do in THRIVE.
THRIVE is my private burnout recovery coaching program for high-achieving women who want a life (and a job) they don’t feel the need to escape from. They want success on their own terms- without the burnout. And they’re ready to take action to create it.
If that sounds like you, then click on over to learn more about THRIVE:
And if you know you’re ready for a change, then book in a spot on my calendar so we can connect over Zoom and decide whether THRIVE is the right next step for you.
